IGNOREance
by aweena
Summary: Teal'c offends lots of people, and Cameron goes crazy from too many goals and notes. Now Teal'c must eat lots and lots of cabbage. Have fun! :0D
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, this is supposed to funny you, ok? So if it's off the wall, that's how it is. My name's Aweena, and thanks for coming to read this story. If you review, I'll try to respond, but no promises. I don't own these characters, and I hope you like this!**

**"IGNORE-ance"**

**Chapter 1**

"Off-scheduled offworld activation," Walter said from his chair in front of the computer.

Landry walked up behind him to look at the monitor. "Who is it?"

"I don't know, Sir," Walter told him. "No IDC."

"Lower the shields," said Landry.

"But Sir-"

"I don't want your butt, Walter, or I'd ask for it, and that's never gonna happen. Now open the iris," said Landry.

Walter sighed and lowered the shield. A moment later, SG-1 stepped through the gate, which shut down a moment later.

Landry walked down to the Embarkation Room to meet the team.

"Colonel Mitchell, why are you back so soon?" Landry asked.

"We ran into some trouble, Sir," Cameron told the General.

"What kind of trouble, Colonel?" asked Landry.

"Does it really matter? What's with the twenty questions?" asked Cameron, then left for the infirmary for his check-up.

"What's up with him?" Landry questioned.

"We ran into some trouble," Teal'c repeated.

"Sam, what's up with Cameron?" asked Landry.

"We ran into some trouble," Sam said.

"Well, why didn't you say so? We need to get this taken care of," said Landry.

"Did both Colonel Mitchell and I not say that exact statement, General Landry?" Teal'c asked.

"Why are you asking me what you didn't say? Do I look like your mother? Didn't think so," Landry said, then left.

"Teal'c, what's wrong with you? That was so mean," said Sam, also leaving.

"Did I say something offending?" Teal'c asked Daniel.

"Do you even have a last name?" asked Daniel.

"I use the name Bond. Teal'c Bond," Teal'c said.

"How could you say that? You plagiarizer," Daniel said, then walked out of the room in a fury, leaving Teal'c alone.

(blah)

Teal'c met up with Mitchell an hour later in the men's locker room.

"Colonel Mitchell, I seem to be having problems with the emotions of the people on this base. I seem to offend them very easily, and do not know the cause of it," said Teal'c.

"Teal'c, it's all a matter of principal. When you get older, you'll understand. But for now, you're on your own. No, I'm kidding. I'll help you out. Just hang with me, and you'll be fine," said Cameron. "What happened."

"When we arrived through the gate after our last mission, General Landry asked why you were acting strange. I told him what you said previously, and he asked the same question, as to ignore me, and Colonel Carter said the exact same thing I said previously. I told them what I am telling you, and both Colonel Carter and General Landry became upset. Doctor Jackson also became upset when I told him my name was Teal'c Bond," Teal'c explained.

"You stole that! Teal'c! You should know better! I need mental help!" Mitchell shouted, then threw himself onto the floor and sprawled out. "Goals and notes! Goals and notes! Too many goals and notes!"

Teal'c slowly backed out of the room.

**Ok, you're gonna have to tell me if you want another chapter. If you don't read the rest of this, you'll wonder for the rest of your life the following:**

**Why is everyone easily getting mad at Teal'c.**

**What is Teal'c real last name.**

**Does Teal'c have a last name.**

**Why Sam and Landry ignored both Cameron and Teal'c.**

**Why Cameron is mentally ill due to too many goals and notes.**

**Well, hope you come back! Bie:0D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, well, well! Aren't we cheery today? Ok, I know that this is a weird story, so just bear with me, ok? Anyways, I don't own these characters, and you're about to find out why. Hope you like it:0D By the way, I can't spell Carolyn Lamm's last name, so I'm spelling it like that.**

**Chapter 2**

"Teal'c, I found out why everyone is acting so strange around you," said Dr. Lamm.

"Why are you not?" asked Teal'c.

"Because I know why. Once they find out why they're acting so strange around you, they won't act strange around you, anymore. You all were affected by a virus called A.S.A.T."

"I have not heard of such a thing," Teal'c told her.

"It stands for Act Strange Around Teal'c. Once you tell them this, they will stop acting strange around you," Lamm said.

"How do you know this?" asked Teal'c.

"Because I'm a doctor, and I have a degree that allows me to make up names for diseases that don't really exist, just so I can get more money. So go tell them, before you forget," Carolyn said.

Teal'c left the infirmary, and headed to Landry's office. He knocked on the door, and went in after being given permission.

"Oh, it's _you_," Landry sneered. "What do you want?"

"You have a disease call ASAT," he said, then walked over to the desk and pressed on the intercom. "Everyone on this base has been infected with a virus called ASAT. Do not eat the blue jello, or you will be shot," Teal'c said, then left the office.

An hour later, he met up with Cameron in the cafeteria.

"Are you well, Colonel Mitchell?" asked Teal'c.

"What kind of question is that! I want blue jello! I want to live! Where's Arnold Swartznigger when you need him! Ahhhhhh!" Cameron screamed, then threw his orange jello at the wall, and it slowly ran down the wall. "I want blue jello! Where's my blue jello! You!" he shouted, pointing at Teal'c. "You took it all, didn't you! Oh, I heard your little message! Give it, now!"

Teal'c pulled blue jello out of his pants pockets and gave it to Cameron, who ate it.

"Gracias, senorita," he told him, then left.

Teal'c slowly backed out of the room...again.

"Oh, you're not going anywhere!" Sam shouted. "Get your bahookie back here right now! Daniel tells me you used the name Bond for yours?"

"I did," Teal'c said.

"Well, we're gonna have to find out your last name, then, aren't we?" Sam asked.

"My last name is Bond...for now. When the time comes, I will know my last name-"

"Then you're Vader, not Bond. Never use Bond, ever, ever, again!" she shouted, then slapped him and stomped off.

Teal'c went to look for Daniel, and found him in his quarters.

"Dr. Jackson, I have a new last name. It is Vader," Teal'c told him.

"Vader? Vader!" Daniel shouted.

Teal'c punched him in the face, knocking him to the ground. "Dr. Jackson, I am Teal'c Vader. Nothing you say will change that," he said, then laughed evilly.

"Fine," Daniel said, then gave Teal'c an evil glare. "But I'm Daniel Jackhammer! Bwa ha ha ha!"

**The End**

**Seriously.**

**Of this chapter. Come back soon...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, Capitulo Tres, on its way. I hope ya like Pepsi, 'cause tha's all you're gonna be eatin for the rest o yer life! Anywho, sorry I couldn't update sooner, but we had to go look at our new house in Missouri over the weekend, and fix it up a LOT, and it's kind of a piece of sh, so yeah. Hope you like this next chapter, bie:0D**

**Chapter 3**

"Hey, Mitchell, I've been looking for you," said Daniel. "I wanted to talk to you about what happened back on that planet..."

"Ok, what about it? Why did you always have to bring up the sensitive subjects!" Cameron cried.

"It's ok, Cameron," Daniel said, patting him on the back. "I just want to know why you did what you did."

"I hated those Gremlins," Cameron said. "And they kept on giving me goals and notes! Goals and notes, goals and notes, goals and notes!" Cameron shouted and flailed on the ground. Daniel slowly backed out of the room.

"Hey Dan, boy, what's up?" asked Sam.

"I heard that you gave Teal'c the name Vader?" said Daniel, narrowing his eyes.

"Yes, I did," she smiled.

"Oh, really? Well, why don't you just get your fat head out of here, then? You're not welcome here," said Daniel.

"Shut up, you nonsensical irrational mindless obtuse unintelligent thoughtless irresponsible fatuous asinine underdeveloped motiveless emaciated bibliophilic diminutive insignificant pint-sized irregular geeky pocket-sized nerd!" Sam shouted.

"Wha-wait a minute. Did you just call fat, or skinny!" Daniel shouted.

"I don't know what I just said!" Sam yelled.

"You called me a nonsensical irrational mindless obtuse unintelligent thoughtless irresponsible fatuous asinine underdeveloped motiveless emaciated bibliophilic diminutive insignificant pint-sized irregular geeky pocket-sized nerd. You also said both obtuse and fatuous, and diminutive insignificant pint-sized and pocket-sized. Now, I cant be obtuse and pocket-sized at the same time."

"Obtuse means retard, you retard," Sam said. "Add it to your vocabulary!"

"I can't add!" Daniel cried. "Why do you have to be so mean to me?" he squeeked.

Sam said sadly, "I'm sorry, but it's my job. One of the thousands."

Just then, Teal'c walked in. "Doctor Jackson, Colonel Carter. How are you both today. I hope we will be able to put the past in the past."

"Why don't you just say _Daniel_? You know how much easier it is than Doctor Jackson? I mean, I don't call you...you don't even _have _a rank. Well, I don't call you Alien Vader, now do I?" asked Daniel.

"You racist!" Teal'c shouted. Then he left.

"What did I say?" asked Daniel.

"I'm not repeating all that. You called him an alien. Why do you always have to remind him of that, Daniel?" Sam said, then left, and Daniel did, too.

Just then, Jack woke up in a cold sweat.

"What is it, Jack?" asked Hammond.

"Oh, just a nightmare," said Jack.

"Oh, poor, Jacki," Hammond said, then gave him a hug.

Just then, Ba'al awoke screaming.

"What is it, you big baby?" asked Ba'al.

"I had a nightmare that Jack and Hammond were dating, and that Jack had a nightmare that Mitchell had too many goals and notes, and Teal'c's last name was Vader," said Ba'al. "What is Teal'c's last name, anyways?"

**THe EnD!**

**Seriously, thanks everyone who reviewed and stuff, even though I think I only got one review...well, come by again some time, and visit my other sights! Bie:0D**

**If you do, I'll promise not to kill you...:0D**


End file.
